Moved By Mercy
by IAmSecond
Summary: She said I keep having the same dream. Close my eyes and I'm chasing another me...
1. Chapter 1

Hello again.:) First of all, thank you so much for favorite's and follows from my last fic. It seriously brightened my day. This is another song fic that I have had in mind for a while now. I'm thinking about adding another chapter to this one; maybe set a year later with Emma having the dream again, but this time Snow comforts her….let me know what you think on that. Anyway, I again do not own OUAT. If I did that would be the coolest thing ever, but I sadly don't. I also do not own the song (Moved By Mercy by Matthew West) though I do encourage you to look it up before reading this. Song lyrics are in bold italic and dream is in italic. As always PLEASE review. Maybe I missed something in the grammar aspect or maybe I need to do something to make my stories better. Or you could just leave your thoughts, whatever floats your boat.:) Enjoy!

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_The young blond ducked into an ally. Emma was nearly out of breath trying to catch her, but no matter how fast she ran, the girl walked on and eluded her. Emma still ran after the young woman…but she didn't move at all. It was like a treadmill was under her feet. She was stuck in place as the girl stopped outside of a warehouse._

_"No", thought Emma. "This isn't right! Come back!."_

_She wanted to scream at the girl to run and never look back. Tell her that if she continued on her journey she would lose everything she loved. But the words wouldn't come; Emma could just stand and watch._

_Hot angry tears rolled down Emma's cheeks as a policeman came out from his hiding place. She watched the confrontation between the two, knowing the exact words that were being said. Her tears came faster as she looked at her younger self's face. The face of pain, betrayal, and heartache._

_"Where are the watches?" the cop asked her._

_"Gone. They're…gone." The younger woman's voice cracked as she spoke. A single tear rolled down her cheek._

_"No, no, no, NO! You should have run!" Emma screamed at the girl. She fell to her knees sobbing. As the police cruiser pulled away, Emma's cries quieted._

_"Why didn't I run?" she whispered._

_**She said I keep having the same dream**_

_**Close my eyes and I'm chasing a younger me**_

_**Try to wrap my arms around her**_

_**Shield her from the hell that found her**_

_**But I'm always just a little too late**_

_**I see the tears falling down her face**_

_**How come no one protected, the little girl that the world rejected?**_

_**Oh, where do you go**_

_**When you can't go back**_

_**Can't change the past?**_

Emma jolted upright in her bed. Sweat covered her body; the only sound in the room was her ragged breathing. Her pillow was damp where her tears had fallen. It had been this way for the past 11 years. Every year, on this night, she would have the same nightmare. Every year she would relive that horrible memory…the moment when she realized that you couldn't trust anyone…..even the people that you love most.

_**And she cries in the middle of the night**_

_**Take me far away now**_

_**From this broken place now**_

_**Somewhere they can't hurt me**_

_**I wanna be moved by mercy**_

Emma sighed in defeat; she knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. So she curled into a ball on her bed and let the remaining tears fall. She let all the pain and sorrow leave her body through the flood in her eyes. After all this time, she thought she was over Neal's betrayal. But the same nightmare woke her every year on the date she was arrested.

A soft knock on Emma's door brought her back to reality. She quickly wiped away the remaining tears and sat up.

"Emma?" Mary Margaret's soft voice entered Emma's bedroom, followed by her face peaking around the cracked open door. "Is everything alright? I thought I heard you talking and…..I heard crying?"

Emma stared back at her roommate. She hated to share her problems with someone she had only come to know for the past two months. Even though the two of the had become close, Emma didn't want to risk their friendship over her messed up life. Everyone in Emma's life had rejected her; if Mary Marguarate knew the truth about her past, why wouldn't she drop Emma? No, this wasn't a risk that she was going to take.

"Uhh, yea. Sometimes I talk in my sleep…." Emma trailed off. She avoided Mary Margaret's eyes, instead choosing to stare at the spinning fan above her.

The brunette hesitated. She new that Emma had a difficult past. Even before Emma told her that she grew up in the system, she saw the thick wall that guarded her. While she normally wouldn't pry, tonight was different. The tear streaks on her face, the refusing of eye contact, the slight tremble in her hands. She had never seen her roommate so broken.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.

"No I'm fine." Emma answered quickly. It was a lie that she had years to perfect, and could speak it without an ounce of guilt. Right now she felt guilty for voicing the lie, like she shouldn't be hiding anything from her roommate. Deep down, for some very odd reason, she wanted to open up to this woman standing in front of her. She wanted to tell her about…everything. The foster parents that abused her, the school teachers that said she would never amount to anything. And about Neal…what he had done. She wanted to tell Mary Margaret about every time she was angry or hurt. But to let her walls down? To let someone…..care? She didn't want to appear weak.

"I really am fine", Emma forced a smile on her face. "Guess it must have been from that bearclaw I ate. Should've known not to eat sugar before bed."

The brunette smiled in return, even though she saw right through the lie. She couldn't deny her curiosity of what was bothering the blonde. She wanted to help Emma, she truly did. She couldn't stand to see her friend suffer in silence, but she knew that Emma would come to her and open up when she felt ready. And Mary Margaret would be right there to support her when she did.

"Ok, I'll let you sleep." she replied. The relief on Emma's face was clear. Mary Margaret gave her another small, comforting smile as she walked out the door. She turned back before fully closing it.

"But Emma? You do know that you can talk to me whenever you need to, ok?"

Emma sat back up on her elbows. She stared into her friends eyes, searching. Knowing when people lied was a nice little trick she had come to master over the years. Nearly three decades of fending for herself and learning the hard way not to trust people had taught her a lot. But right now, staring into Mary's eyes…she saw truth. Genuine honesty.

"Yea.", Emma replied softly. "I do."

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Let me know what you think!:)


	2. Chapter 2

_****_Hola!:D I know that this chapter is a little shorter, but here it is, so let me know what you think! I'm thinking about finishing up this story with the next chapter; maybe Snow and Emma having a heart-to-heart? Enjoy!:)

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_**I used to be a future, burning bright**_

_**But now I'm just another sleepless night**_

_**(All the hurt that you hide behind that door**_

_**I'm not gonna let it hurt you anymore)**_

The young blond ducked into an ally. Emma was nearly out of breath trying to catch her, but no matter how fast she ran, the girl walked on and eluded her. Emma still ran after the young woman…but she didn't move at all. It was like a treadmill was under her feet. She was stuck in place as the girl stopped outside of a warehouse.

"_No"_, thought Emma. _"This isn't right! Come back!"_

She wanted to scream at the girl to run and never look back. Tell her that if she continued on her journey she would lose everything she loved. But the words wouldn't come; Emma could just stand and watch in horror. Hot angry tears rolled down Emma's cheeks as a policeman came out from his hiding place. She watched the confrontation between the two, knowing the exact words that were being said. Her tears came faster as she looked at her younger self's face. The face of pain, betrayal, and heartache.

"Where are the watches?" the cop asked her.

"Gone. They're…gone." The younger woman's voice cracked as she replied. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"_No, no, no, NO! You should have run!"_ Emma screamed at the girl. She fell to her knees sobbing. As the police cruiser pulled away, Emma's cries quieted.

"_Why didn't I run?"_ she whispered. She put her head in her hands as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Yes. Why didn't you run?" Emma stiffened at the familiar voice.

"Why did stay? Why did you trust HIM of all people?!" the voice rose in volume. Each word dripped with condemnation and disgust. Emma clenched her teeth and whipped her hands over her ears. But no matter how hard she pressed against her head, the voice only got louder, and louder.

"How could you make that mistake?! Wait, wait, wait…..You know what's even WORSE than this crappy decision?!" The voice cackled loudly.

"_No, no. Please…"_ Emma whimpered. The blonde was shaking so much, it was nearly impossible to keep her hand over her ears. Emma lowered her trembling hands and raising her head slowly, she faced her tormenter.

Snow glared down at Emma; hatred, disappointment, and anger filled her eyes. She leaned down towards Emma until she was looking straight into her daughter's eyes. She now spoke more softly, but each syllable hissed from her mouth was still laced with venom and disappointment.

"You being BORN was a mistake."

"NO!" Emma shot up from bed screaming. Panting, she glanced at the clock.

_3:07 AM_

Every year. Same night. Same dream. Awaking the same way.

Emma shook her head; tonight was different. Her…_mother _now plagued her nightmares. Emma drew her knees closer to her and rested her forehead on them. Silent tears fell down her face onto the sheet below. Having her best friend-turned mother in her dreams couldn't get any worse…..until Emma had looked up and seen the disappointment and spite laced across her face. Emma quietly shook with sobs as regret and pain washed over her.

"I'm sorry" she whispered. "I'm sorry….."

Emma startled as she felt a comforting hand rub her back. She looked up and found her mother's face.

"Emma" Snow breathed out. Her daughter's screams had woken her up. She had quietly rushed up to the loft to find her child crying to herself. Knowing what had given her daughter such heartache, she had sat on the edge of the bed, thinking Emma would look up. But instead her sobs only became more audible.

Emma looked away from the brunette. She couldn't bear to see the dissatisfaction her eyes again.

"Emma, sweetie. Please talk to me" Snow begged softly. Emma tensed at the pet name.

"_No." _She thought. _"Stop acting like you love me."_

_**For so long I thought you abandoned me**_

_**Now I'm starting to see things differently**_

_**(I'm the one who began a good work in you**_

_**And I'm the one who's gonna see it through**_

_**I'll see you though)**_

_**Take me far away now**_

_**From this broken place now**_

_**Somewhere they can't hurt me**_

_**I wanna be moved by mercy**_


	3. Chapter 3

**So here it is!:D The final chapter! I don't know WHY it took forever for me to actually sit down and write it, but once I started writing I couldn't stop. So enough with the apologetics. I think I'm happy with the way this story ended.:) I have a TON of other writing ideas but I can't guarantee updates a lot. Between school, volleyball, church, and work…life is pretty busy.:) But I wouldn't have it any other way. As always please leave me with your thoughts! And I do not own OUAT or the song (Matthew West's "Moved by Mercy). I know I said this once already, but a listen or two to the song before reading will give you the gist of Emma's emotions. Ok, I'll stop rambling. Enjoy! **

Emma fidgeted under her mother's scrutiny. She knew that Snow _wanted _to be here. But that annoying, nagging voice told her differently. Accepting love was not something Emma Swan did naturally. Adding to the fact that her mother was in her nightmares, telling her that she wasn't good enough and could never be loved….it was reason enough for Emma to build up her walls all over again.

"Emma..." Emma came out of her musing, whipping her head up at her mother. Before she could look into Snow's eyes she ducked her head back down. Seeing remorse in her mom's eyes in dreamland was bad enough. Seeing them in reality was sheer torture.

"I'm fine. It's nothing." Came the blonde's swift reply. Snow raised her eyebrows, clearly seeing right through the lie. Why wouldn't her baby girl just open up? And it being nothing? "Nothing" doesn't cause you to thrash around screaming in bed. The brunette clearly remembered when this "nothing" happened the previous year. Mary Margaret had been too unsure about what to do, and left Emma alone to cope by herself.

_I'm still kicking myself for that one _Snow thought. Right now…Snow was no Mary Margaret. She was going to find out what was ailing her daughter, and she sure as heck wasn't going to leave her alone.

"Emma" Snow spoke more firmly now. "I don't know what is going on. But don't you think for even one _moment _that it's ok." She took a deep breath and waited for the blonde's reaction. But all Emma did was continue to stare down at the quilt. All that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall. For a full five minutes mother and daughter just sat there. Finally, Emma looked up to the opposite wall. She blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Do you…" Emma swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Do you ever regret becoming pregnant?" came the whispered question. Snow's mouth gaped open. How could she ask such a question? Where were these thoughts even coming from? Snow took Emma's chin in her hand and gently turned her baby's face toward herself.

"Emma…I could NEVER regret having you! I thought I knew joy when I married your father. But the day I found out that I was pregnant with you, I realized something." Snow smiled lovingly at her daughter. She gently brushed away the escaped tears that ran down the blonde's face. "I realized…that YOU Emma Swan. You're my happy ending." She finished softly. Tears flowed freely down both women's faces now. "The day you were born, and when I got to hold you in my arms for the first time" Snow continued "I never thought a person was capable of such love. I never loved anything more in my life."

Emma closed her crying eyes. Where had those tears come from? All her life she had cried one type of tear: the tear of pain, sadness, being alone, and shame. These tears now…they came from somewhere she thought was buried long ago. She opened her eyes back to her mother sitting in front of her. Love, compassion, warmth, and kindness radiated off this woman. And it was directed to _her._ Emma Swan.

"Emma…I need to know. Please, what was causing you to cry out like this?" Snow asked tentatively. For a moment she sounded like Mary Margaret, but Snow knew that now wasn't the time to be forceful. She didn't want her child to run. Now wasn't the time to be demanding. Emma sighed; she knew this was coming. While her roommate wouldn't dream of persisting the guarded Swan, her mother was a bit more insistent. And for that she was grateful. She had carried around this baggage for far too long now. Maybe letting someone in wouldn't hurt.

"I um, well I just kinda had a nightmare" There. That should satisfy her mother right?

Snow gave Emma a small smile. "Emma honey? I know that's not it. Call it maternal intuition but I know there's more to the story than that."

Emma bit her lip. Yea she wanted to tell her roommate-turned-Snow White-turned mother the truth. But what would happen when she learned about it? Would her reaction be like everyone else's? Would her mother still look at her with those loving green eyes? Snow's voice broke Emma's thoughts.

"Sweetheart…I don't care how bad you think it is…I want to know. Please tell me" she squeezed her daughter's hand in assurance. "I want to know what I can do to help."

_**For so long, I felt so unworthy**_

_**(But in my arms your shame is moved by mercy)**_

_**So here I stand, a child undeserving**_

_**(Take my hand, and let your life be moved by mercy)**_

_**Take me far away now**_

_**(I'll take you far away)**_

_**From this broken place now**_

_**(From every broken place)**_

_**Somewhere they can't hurt me**_

_**I wanna be moved by mercy**_

Emma took a deep breath. And looked Snow in the eyes. She spoke slowly, occasionally pausing to collect her thoughts. She told her mother every detail: the pain, the confusion, the heartbreak. The cold steel on her wrists as the cop cuffed her, how the dark damp night reflected her mood…everything. Snow listened without interruption, the occasional tear falling down her cheek.

"And then I just sat there crying…asking myself how come I wasn't strong enough to run. Normally that's where I wake up and all, but…" Emma looked studied the brunette's face. Could she really go through this? Telling her mom what "dream Snow" had told her? How all the things "dream Snow" had said were the same things that Emma had told herself her entire life?

Snow squeezed Emma's hand again. The blonde gave a little smile and took another deep breath.

"Well…this time I didn't wake up right away. Someone was talking back to me…telling me stuff that I believed for a long time." Emma bit her lip momentarily and continued. "They said I was...worthless, unloved…and that they wish I was never born." Emma's voice cracked as she finished. She slowly raised her eyes to her mother's face. What met her daughter her completely off guard. Snow's nostrils were flared, her face flushed, and pure rage dominated her eyes. Her jaw was locked in fury, and the hand that didn't hold Emma's was clenched so tightly her knuckles were white.

"WHO said that?! What rights have they to even THINK that you are any of those things?! Emma I swear to you, that when I get my hands on this person I'll—"

"It was you" Emma whispered. Snow's face dropped. Fury was replaced with distress. Rage was taken over by tears. Shock and pain overtook the brunette's countenance. Emma continued as her remaining tears fell.

"I thought…I thought that you hated me. For my whole life I had been basically called trash and I believed it." She sniffed, and then forced the rest of her words out of her mouth. "I thought I didn't deserve you."

"Oh Emma!" Snow cried. She came out of her revere and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Emma leaned into her. Thirty minutes ago she was flinching to be touched on the arm but now, she just wanted her mother's comfort. Snow kissed Emma's temple and ran her hand through her child's curly blonde locks. "Emma, don't EVER think that you don't deserve me! Baby, you deserve the world. I wish I could have been there to watch you grow up. To tell you what a wonderful person you are. Emma you will always, ALWAYS deserve me." Snow took a shaky breath. "And the truth of the matter is I don't deserve you."

Emma rested her head on her mother's shoulder. Nobody, not anyone in her entire life had ever uttered those words to her. To know that she was loved. That she was _wanted._ The last brick in her wall crumbled. Up unto this point, Snow had been the one holding Emma. The blonde hesitated, and then slowly lifted her arms to wrap around the brunette. She relaxed into her mother's embrace and sighed. She felt a peace that she had never had before. She knew this nightmare would never plague her again.

"Thank you for wanting me" she whispered. Snow choked back a sob. She drew out of the embrace and cupped her daughter's face in her hands. She smiled with adoration at the face that mirrored her own. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to her baby's forehead.

"Always my darling" she murmured.

_**I'll take you far away**_

_**From every broken place**_


End file.
